love and nightmares on planet circus

July 3, 2008

Haven’t been able to blog for a while. Got too depressed. What am I doing here. Who are these people? Why is Mbeki being such an arsehole. How can Mugabe get away with all he has? How can his thugs be so stupidly misled and brainwashed. How can humanity survive? Normal kinds of things. I think I have been also to my last LV Cirque party. This one to celebrate the 2nd anniversary of the show. Held in a hotel called the Artisan and with prints of old masters fancily framed and then plastered, not mounted, all over the walls, the ceiling, every space available. Art-isan you see. But it’s redeeming grace – no slot machines. Not one. That I saw. Just pretentious primping people pimping and networking and operating and gossiping and getting drunk. Well no, the last part was me. As quickly as possible, and then fleeing home in a cab spending 40 dollars to do so. Horrific dreams, depressing thoughts and long hours of trying to be unconscious. Great weekend overall.  Must get to work as early as possible today and pick up training regime. That’s all I have here ultimately is skype, performing every night, training and staying healthy. And Daniel’s companionship.


Episode two Sgt Pepper track. So having left the stage screaming ‘Help!’ He reappears shortly afterwards now clutching a trombone and a french horn as well, every instrument thoroughly battered and he in a confused state. There he encounters the hysterical crowds responding to the Beatles concert performance of I Wanna Hold Your Hand. His state of confusion is heightened by the hysteria and he staggers off again as Drive My Car hits the stage. He next reappears in a distorted version of himself as the barker at the Mr Kite Carnival as ten feet tall and commanding the whole event. This is someone else’s nightmare so Pepper is not really aware of being here. Then he turns up on stage during Yesterday carrying an enormous collection of old instruments. The two cellos, one drum, trombone and French horn he picked up from the devastation of the bombing raids has grown into a globe-like structure which he carries on his back like atlas carrying the world. He staggers under the weight and is even more confused. There he encounters a young boy clutching a guitar. This is the boy whom he saw just after the bombing raids in a kind of vision being visited by a captivatingly beautiful woman in red who descended from the sky and gave the boy a guitar. The boy is John Lennon and the woman his mother Julia. Pepper sees the boy gazing up at the sky. He tries to follow his gaze but the weight of the instrument load prevents him from seeing anything but a glimpse of the same alluring woman in red. A fragment of the same red cloth falls at the boy’s feet and he picks it up. Pepper gazes confusedly at a vision of himself as young boy, who then runs away. Pepper follows but then is struck by another feeling that overwhelms him. Some strange recall from the past which tugs strongly at his heart and fills him with the familiar sense of loss remorse and guilt. This feeling from his memory of as a young man having to choose between his love and young woman called Eleanor Rigby and his duty and going off to war and his decision to go being delivered in a letter not even face to face. This sense of enduring loss is prefigured in the bombing devastation scene as he staggers about trying to help the wounded but finding himself rescuing instruments instead, and out of the smoke and dust a vision appears of an old woman carrying a train of detritus and also helping the wounded. Their eyes meet and Pepper knows it is her. He cannot hold her gaze and turns away. Now again the same feeling wells up in him through the song yesterday. For apparently no reason. Something out the corner of his eyes makes him turn to another young man; a romantic clutching a box of flowers and a bunch of chocolates to ask if he saw a woman, but the man, (Daniel) who again reminds him of himself as the young wooer of Eleanor, is too embarrassed to respond and so he turns and leaves still staggering under the weight but now somehow even more determined and with a clearer vision of what he has to do.

One Response to “love and nightmares on planet circus”

  1. Drew, i REALLY enjoy my Saturday “fix” on “Drew & Cirque”. I’m sorry the week was so depressing, remember even if u where here you couod’t DO anything about the madness going on n Zim &, w the refugees. i know it must sometimes feel very lonely being there, but i’m glad Daniel is at least there.
    Bryan & i borrowed 3 dvd’s from a film club: La Nouba, Dralion & Alegria….what an experience; of course now i just want to see more. Thanks for sharing a bit more about your character, as i keep wondering what u r like. warm love Kate

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