climate change and the buffalo

November 10, 2009

I am a born-again atheist. A life now filled with energy, and focus and, hell, ‘meaning’ and utterly devoid of fear, now that it’s clear that the wondrous mystery of the universe is not the product of a god. I loathe the doctrine of the apocalypse and rapture and second comings. I find it vile and fear-mongerous and driven by power-mongering of the worst kind. Born of the foulest inclination of humans to control others through fear. And the Mayans? They just ran out of ink. Or interest. That’s why they stopped on the something of December 2012. But I am also an eco-pessimist and skeptic. The physical evidence of the state of the planet points bla bla coming transition, bla tipping point bla bla, and so, yes, we have already bla bla cataclysmic climate and bla bla impact, bla bla balance of eco-systems bla bla survival of life, bla fragile and delicate bla bla lives of millions of humans. This is coming. Some of us may survive. The clever ones and some of the very stupid probably will. And life will continue on the planet under very different conditions. Or perhaps we will be gone completely. And that’s sad but… actually, no. It’s not even sad. It’s just the way things are. It’s natural. The way things are bound to go, nature being what it is. We needed to evolve too much in too short a time if we were to have a hope of saving ourselves. So every day is the last day. Every day is a lifetime. I feel totally re-energised by the real sense of the finiteness of life. Today is today and tomorrow the comets might start falling or the freak storm hit town, or whatever, so, as Neitsche said; ‘live as though the day were here’. Halleluia I am saved from fear. It occurs to me that we might well be the instruments of the universe’s attempt to understand itself. And such is the wondrous wonder of consciousness that this attempt is as dangerous as it is wondrous. Like life. Also. I have just had two proposals rejected by two national arts festivals. Two proposals I have made for the mounting of two new South African theatre works have been rejected by the major festivals facilitating new work in the country. So it seems that I will be making the work on my own. Somehow that seems even more satisfyingly difficult, because, oh boy, I am more powerful and happier and more rapturously in the moment than ever before in my life. I am a buffalo. I feel like I am closer to the edge, on the verge of exploding all the time. The joy of life thrumming through my veins is deafening. Anything is possible. The neutral state of moving-but-still applies. It is a state of readiness in ease. I think I might be just about to peak. So that’s that. I will probably have more to say after the workshops for the Infecting the City project to which I go next week. Can’t wait. Have to. Sun comes up, goes down, comes up again. And days happen in between. And then there are the nights. Inevitable. I will be looking at this screen and the workshops will have started…

5 Responses to “climate change and the buffalo”

  1. sue Says:

    Andrew, I am delighted! delighted to have stumbled upon and over your words – beautiful, light and edgy …. thanks for sharing and looking forward to more, more, more. The fuel we receive from rejection keeps the buffalo charging ….

  2. Oliver Says:

    Fear is always being waved by the arts councils…It kinda belongs to this society of competition and individualism that we find ourselves confronted with…charge it!Olaaaaah….

  3. Rose Says:

    I have been searching the web trying to find you and any sign of “The well being”, which I saw years ago in Edinburgh and in New York. Is that show ever performed anymore? What would it take to get it again?

  4. Bubbles, baby!
    how do I contact you? Casting director here looking for SA actor to play Colin Bouwer ( SA psychologist who poisoned his wife here in NZ back in 1999) in telefeature. Thought of you of course. Are you in States?

  5. nature/evolutionist Says:

    went to your show last night after my daughter has been begging me for ages to do so. ive been recovering from a flue but because this was part of a birthday present from my said daughter, i decided to overide the illness. so there i sat in the front row right in the middle and after 10 minutes this caughing spell came over me. tears streeming down my face trying to supress the caughing while considering to just get up and leave. risking disturbance either way, i decide to smother the upcomming caughs and eventually succeeded…at the cost of half the show having past me by.
    the point of all this was, that eventhough i basically missed the show, something about you remained, the intensity, the focussedness, not sure what. then i googled your name found the blog starting off with being a reborn atheist, and i was hooked. loved every bit you wrote in your blog and think your spirit of turning any put-down over into a ‘victory’ is awesome

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